What you DO not want to hear while on show

"I hate school it's been really demoralising. I'm not lying when I say that my ASM is a weirdo.... who I can't really work well with because she just smiles...without talking or doing anything else. Technically it's kinda freaky, but I've gotta deal with it aye?"

-Julia

Reading about Julia and her woes with her ASM reminds me of the good old days of school production and your ASM reminds me of my own SM during my first show with G. Imagine on the day of the performance, while it's ongoing and you're the lighting personal.

Characters:

SM - Ryan
ASM - Joanne
Lighting - Samuel (me)
Sound - Sandra

Scene:

Backstage in a school blackbox theater, halfway through show.

Lighting state:

Spot on Lighting, SM and Sound crew, 10%.

Samuel: (quietly) Ok, lights 1 and 2 fade down to 50%, up no.3 to 90%.

Joanne: (quietly) Sam sam!

Samuel: (quietly) What is it Joanne?

Joanne: (quietly) It's Ryan, he's..... (mumbling)

Samuel: (slightly agitated) What? Speak up Joanne.

Joanne: (slightly agitated) It's Ryan, he's SLEEPING!

Samuel: (Quietly Very Agitated) WHAT?

(Turns to position where Ryan and Sandra is located. Sandra is obviously very agitated while Ryan is peacefully sawing wood)

Spot on Ryan, Sandra 50%

Samuel: (hand gestures) WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-HE-DOING? WE'RE-IN-THE-MIDDLE- OF-THE-SHOW!

Sandra: (unprintable reply)

Ryan: Snore~~

(Samuel turns to a now very agitated ASM)

Samuel: Ok, just run as per normal. We did it before so many times and we'll do it again.

Joanne: (nervous but resolute) Ok.

(Joanne shifts back to her position while Samuel signals to Sandra)

Samuel: (hand gestures) CONTINUE-AS-NORMAL-OK?

Sandra: (hand gestures) OK-(Yet more unprintable gestures)

Ryan: Snore~~

-- After curtain call --

Ryan: (cheerful) Hey guys, that was a wonderful show! Great job!

Joanne: (irritated) No thanks to you.

Samuel: (irritated) ...

Sandra: (picks up random blunt object)

(Ryan gets mauled to death with blunt object)

Blackout

---