th-ink

Thoughts and connections, frustrations and setbacks, ending in realization and liberation. Sometimes the mind has to be controlled, its hand held like a naughty boy, to prevent it from running down a metaphorical busy street.

Because with freedom and liberty comes a lack of discipline, structure and organisation. Ironically the things we fight most to break out of is the very thing we long for. The jail cell we thought we were in; a villa in actuality.
But what controls the mind? Can the mind control the mind, fighting it out like a endless civil war? Or are external factors, influences beyond our sight that are directing this charade, sitting behind a throne playing chess, playing out the pieces that comprise our lives.

But in the end, who gave them this power over us, if not voluntarily; in pursuit of dreams, goals, religion, fashion, love, sex, money.

th-ink. My thoughts out on electronic ink.

End-Joy

Pretty much sums up my Taiwan Trip.

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$200 & Pride

Attained a marksmanship award during my Advanced Train fire Package. Total score 31/36. Coincidentally, I attained a score of 31/32 during my Basic Train fire Package back on the Island. Some things never change?

The difference is, besides the lower % score, I get to wear a 30c piece of cloth with crossed rifles. Specifically, Lee Enfield No.4 rifles, the rifles used by the British Army during WW2 and very accurate and effective weapons. A legacy of our colonial times imprinted in olive and black thread. (Its amazing how much information - useless it may be - one collects over a period of time.

What's more enticing is the $200 bounty attached to the award, slightly less then half of what we servicemen get, so its pretty decent indeed. Should have a shoot every month if it were up to me.

Predictably, some didn't quite make the grade and lost the opportunity to wear the badge or get the money. Others won the badge but because of re-shoots lost the chance of the money. But for most of us, the cloth badge wasn't part of the scheme of things at all. The $200 though, was very much in our minds.

A lack of pride? Not quite. A lack of proper motivation is how I see it. Being a small cog in a very big machine means you're often left alone. Most of the time, this is a good thing as we men can fly under the radar. However, it also means you're up for all the hard labour, mental work and general labour. The word "saikang" or literally, clearing up fecal matter, comes into mind. This is not too bad unless you consider the general lack of concern and understanding we are given. This is true among the sgt and officer class although they also get more ways to take care of themselves. Privilege of rank.

Pampered? Perhaps, but in all the wrong ways. The spring mattress, washing machines and electronic teaching aids are nice but common decency between men (more intelligent punishments, less tekans, less heavy handedness), proper allocation of roles (to make use of our individual strengths), more explanations to let us see the bigger picture (do and die, don't ask why - so last gen-) and general understanding between everyone from general to private will make everything better. It'll even feel good sleeping on even the sponge and spring contraption of yesteryear when you are imbued with a sense of purpose and belonging in the fabric of this nation. Then maybe Prime Ministers won't have to implore citizens for leaving the country and generals worrying that their National Servicemen will cut and run instead of heeding the call to arms.

Its been a mixed response to my first 8 months as a soldier. I have experienced plenty, gone through much and will go through more. When I relegate my uniform to the closet, will I remember to don it once again when my country calls?

Or will the passport and the car keys be more handy? Hmm.

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Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Unintended consequences

Friday. Book out day. Also area cleaning day. As my bunk mates and I tidy up our little home away from home, trading cleaning secrets and discussing future purchases of cleaning equipment, a sudden line of thought sparked:

"If nothing else, the Army is a very effective teacher of cleaning."

Doing 20 push ups for a speck of dust is very motivational to get the right tools and skills to combat dust and dirt. Even items like vacuum cleaners, Magiclean mops, wonder sponges (I kid you not, and it really works!) find their way into our bunks. Through painful trial and error we have also learnt how to polish windows, toilet bowls, urinals and scrub floors of boot stains. Officers, Sergeants, Men; all went through it before and have their own secret method to clean.

My friend returns, complaining that the only mop on our level has been misappropriated, probably by the guys at level 5. He storms up the stairs to liberate it as I note down in our purchase book: "Next book out, remember to buy mop and pail"


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Watching paint dry

The paint on my bicycle frame is takes a week to dry! What's up with that! Isn't drying its only job? Its Unbelievable that paint can chow keng (slack off)!

Outsourcing the whole affair to the pros for a proper powder coating. That should solve matters for a good long time.


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Running (wild)

Did 10:06 for my 2.4km today. Hmm, not too bad considering my relaxed schedule and that I have been averaging 10:30 - 11:10 for the past few days. Last time I did 09:55 was in BMT and in H(ell)awk company so things has improved, thank goodness. Not going to let the flab win the fight!

My bike is now in a terrible condition, the paint refuses to dry on the damned thing even though it has been days... I have been yearning to ride for such a long time that I forget how it has been to sit on the saddle and gun it out, just like the old days. I guess what I miss the most is the sense of freedom cycling presents you, aggravated by the National Service.

5km run tomorrow. I dread the feeling but know that once my feet pound the asphalt it takes a life of its own. Never mind the sweat, the ache, the pounding of my heart as I take the slope; chasing the wind, that's the only thing that matters for now.

Running wild. And free.


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Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

random short.

I woke up from a dream with a start, my mind shifting gears like a racing car to get me back to speed. My limbs felt stiff after lying at an awkward position for too long. The harsh air con seared my throat while I was resting and now felt as if it was sandpaper. The air, cold and stale rubbed past the sandpaper in my throat. I need to take a breather, I thought, out of this damned coffin.

Stumbling from the truck, The air was cold and moist, clinging to me like a damp towel after showering. The sunlight was heavily filtered through the thick clouds, creating an almost halo like glow around the surrounding vehicles. It was almost like I was in Langkawi, back on a beach resort I've been to when I was 10. Of course, I wasn't in Langkawi, but on a hilltop and just climbed out of a command centre perched on a truck, not a luxurious beachfront hotel.

I leaned against the splotchy, olive green surface. It felt cool, despite the late hour. Men in green, like myself, scurry all over other vehicles, adjusting antennas, set up cables and go about their routine, while I observe them like as if they were in an exhibit in a museum or projected out on a large screen in a movie.

If this was really a movie, I would have lit a cigarette; watching the thin, wispy smoke trail swirl around until it was blown away by the wind while taking in the cold air and the gentle breeze. However it wasn't a movie. I wasn't observing a exhibit, but was part of it. Observed by others crowded in the sky, watching how our little lives play out.


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temporary reprive

Its raining now, manna from the sky dropping on the parched earth. Dry grass soaking up its goodness, trees sigh their relief.

We stay in bunk, temporary confinement, as we wait out the weather. The cool breeze blows through, emitting their siren call. We, mere men, powerless again their magic, heed their call; to rest, to sleep.

Our men in their rooms, our sergeants, plot our doom, our ruin. Other men in green plough through the jungle, soaked to the bone, chilled to the heart. The siren call goes unheeded, blocked out by the shouting of the RSM and their own pounding heart, as they trek to one checkpoint after another.

But we lie in our bunks, books, phones, PSPs in our hands, knowing all too well it is a temporary reprive. An uneasy settlement.


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approximations

Many National Servicemen buy bolsters.

Many National Servicemen are lonely.

Its not as unrelated as we think.


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don't sign random pieces of paper

Officer: (plonks down forms for CL and S)
S: (stares at form) what's all this sir?
Officer: Never you mind, just fill it all up and return it asap.
CL: (peers at form) But sir, haven't we already handled this particular form in?
(The officer has, a mere few seconds earlier, made his getaway)
S: No use mate, he's made a run for it. (shrugs) I guess we've better get cracking.

- Couple of hours later -

S: Here are the forms that you wanted sir, both CL's and mine.
Officer: Ah, thank you.
S: (ahem) Sir, wouldn't you tell us a bit more about what the forms are for?
Officer: Oh, the other lot is short of men so we're posting you out during the exercise. Personal signalers to their Master Warrent (Officer) I believe. (Looking slyly at S) Wonder why they're short though...
S: (...) Would it be too late to take back the forms sir?
Officer: (vague smile before making his exit, down stage left)

*footnote* Warrent Officers, are the terror of the army, their main job being to enforce discipline, something they do very well.

S: (sadly informs CL about the outcome)
CL: (shakes head) can't trust 'em officers, not one bit.


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