A slight shuffle of feet for mankind, but a giant step for me.

I passed IPPT! Finally my training has paid off for my pull ups. It remains an obstacle but much less so then before. Not quite He Man but its gratifying to see the results of your labour :)

procrastination

I must be the laziest person in the world. My bicycle project lies in pieces, months after I've salvaged the pieces. The materials clog up the common hallway and only the patience of my neighbours allow it to remain, a car wreck of parts.

My room looks like a tornado went through it, after since I've rearranged everything to be more sensible. Scattered parts of a hundred projects, all waiting their turn to be completed.

Even my photography materials, my cameras and film lie forgotten, just shy of being abandoned. Hundreds of dollars of equipment, left to waste.

Time is short, time is tight, no time for anything at all I lament. I book out on friday and book in on sunday and everything happens in between. But time, so precious and hard fought for is spent needlessly, in front of the computer, lazing around, wandering in futile pursuit. Like a beggar, upon finding himself a gold coin, wastes it on beer, wine and women.

Time waits for no one. My self discovery, self learning, self adventure through the world of books and magazines starts tonight. Salvaging the wreckage of each day by learning something new, every day.

random contemplations

I decided today would be washing day. Armed with the necessary items, I strolled to the washing point. For the discerning clothes washer, there are three locations to work from, namely in the toilet where 5/6 ventilation fans don't work, a trip down 6 stories (and back up again) to the washing machines or a steel sink with a view. Steel sink it is then. Wetting my clothes, I then sprinkled a goodish amount of soap powder (ATTACK! brand) before scrubbing away. I also took advantage of the view to admire the setting sun with two of Singapore's National Birds (Construction Cranes) still hard at work on the horizon, building yet another condominium unit not 6 inches away from my camp. Land is scarce in Singapore, yet we have maybe 5 golf courses here. The irony. A platoon of men march pass towards the admin block. OCTs, judging from the volume. Us men and SCTs can't be bothered to do more then the minimum, the norm.

Then a thought inserted itself in my mind; how are we going to defend this country of ours without grievous loss? An invading army can bombard us and we will lose by the sheer economic loss. And so my friend argued too, bravely, at the board of judges during her SAFOS (scholarship) interview, maybe one of the most prestigious in Singapore. Taking the initiative, the First strike was another possibility; as the old saying goes, 30 minutes after country M declares war, we'll be hundreds of KM inside her! But in this age of terrorism, how can you be assured of the first blow and a quick and swift victory?

I am been avoiding the obvious answer to this question, an answer drummed into me through the various educational institutions I attended. Mao, Stalin and Hitler would be jealous of what we have in the latest brainwashing techniques. Not fear, nor values or hate drives it, but money. Economic progress, everything else is sacrificed to this alter in the temple of Singapore. Hence why I link the economic downfall to be Singapore's defeat. But I digress.

We, we are the saviours of this land! But what poorer saviours there are, none can fathom. Our education system, vaunted for its high quality of graduates also has a track record of one faced, answer driven blanks rolling off the assembly line. Neither are we as physically strong as the previous generation, the privilege of motorised vehicles, escalators, elevators and other mechanical advantages. Our westernised and international outlook has backfired, resulting in a brain drain that has the Prime Minister appearing on print and on screen, begging for them to stay.

A lot to think about while doing the washing. In the end, I mused as I washed up, we are what we choose to be unless we choose to follow whatever circumstance "forces" us to do. It is up to us to change this state or to abandon it. Whatever happens, I am proud of Singapore and wish to serve and protect this nation of my loved ones and friends.

I hung my clothes to dry at the drying racks. They still felt a bit soapy.

in the pits

Its hard to keep enthusiasm for something you never meant to happen. And thats keeping you away from your dreams. We all kid ourselves that its for the country, but what are we anchored if not solely our loved ones and money? Everything else has been prostituted in the name of progress. I see like minded people, with lofty dreams and visions, high achievers forced down, eclipsed by this spectre. A spectre is apt as the darkness ahead is gloomy and I cannot see my way forward. Nothing is celebrated except skiving, a perverse communism that oppresses hard work and rewards the unjust. But time and time again I see the light, praise the Lord! I refuse to drop mu standards and work now to reap the harvest later. No one may appreciate my work, a simple humble soldier; but I am determined to show my worth, to hold my head high and proud of my duty. Training perhaps for difficult times ahead.

lazy afternoon

the fans are turning 'round and 'round, issuing man made wind.
little blessings to an army boy just off duty.
a forgotten book lies ajar, its owner off on patrol;
a chattering of little sounds from the card game just below
making me feel comfortable yet strangely all alone.
its time to rest, time to sleep, not time for any other;
for duty calls once again all to early, but never too late.

2 shifts up, 2 more to go...

Guard duty, or why I am lying in bed in full uniform, in camp on a saturday

Guard duty.

I'm lying fully clothed on my (designated) bed, boots on (with blue! covers to protect the sheets). Ready for a turnout(!), or my shift, whichever comes first. My mates all around me, similarly clothed and lying in similar beds. Like blue and green peas in a pod. Its breezy as I type this message; through the wonders of technology; through my phone. The body is inactive, but the mind is in overdrive. Strange things happen when you're bored. Not when you're busy, I guess because your mind is focused, limiting its options to roam. Or as a compensation for my physical confinement in barracks, my mind gets to wander out through the wilderness of space and time to explore and contemplate. Or maybe its just that I think for too much for my own good.

/I stalk you/

I'm interested in people / its been a while
Addicted in reading blog posts / my own little library of surprises
People near and distant / the internet web drawing everyone closer

Heartbreaks

Clashes

/slashes/

Joys & Desires

Written on electronic parchment / for everyone and no one to see.
?interesting? / yes, definitely

love/sex/drive/lust/hate/envy/deceit/terror/mayham/joy/sadness/hurt/fulfillment.
All (results of) emotions. The same with the humble blog post.
Like a storm in a teacup, so they write about civil wars, physical and mental torture (that'll make the Gestapo puke) hurt, hate, extreme gladness and sadness. Contained in words to form miniature worlds, alternative universes.

USA vs Japan

I must stop switching authors too many, too fast; reading Chuck Palanuik and Haruki Murakami one after another gives one a headache. Imagine American styled in-your-face brutality, sex-drugs-rock'n'-roll with Japanese contemplation, patience, calm and quiet but with an equal punch. Akin to an All-American Muscle car vs a fast, flowing river. Both bruising with power but in totally different forms.

Quite enjoyable until your brain gives way. Ouch.

Abandoned Places

This blog has not been updated in a while. For there is nothing to update.

The earth spins on its axis, around the sun. The moon, around the earth.

And I am yet again in the army. The days are fast; the hours, long.

Oh, I do actually like my vocation here, its just the lack of purpose, the lack of will the lack of spirit from those around me (even myself). Dragging us all down into a cesspool.

Less whining, more work. Leaving us with a lot of personal time has its perks: I can (have been) read actively, work out personally.

I have no energy to end this post. Thinking about the army leaves me drained of spirit.

Bah.

reflections from 3 months of island living

From 3 months to 3 days. I am strangely bittersweet about a part of my life I enjoyed (perversely) but don't wish to go through again.

Some regrets:

- Not passing IPPT (failing the chin-up station by 1 mark, epic fail) More should and could have been done sooner but I was lazy. Lazy is generally a bad thing in NS, especially when you are the lowest life form there.

- Not keeping my temper as well as I could. I am a hot tempered person with the ability to control it pretty well. Most of the time. When I choose to. Sometimes, I choose not to for the wrong reasons.

- Not doing my best when I knew I could. I know I can go the extra mile but don't and now unfortunately will never be able to forever more.

- Not passing IPPT. It is a sore spot really, seeing how my other stations are of a silver to gold standard and my all my efforts towards the goal remaining unfulfilled.

Things I am thankful for:

- My section mates, who are never too critical nor serious about anything much (except girls which is a evergreen point of topic). They pick you up when you fall and laugh at each others mistakes. Never the earliest, nor the fastest, neither the best in (most) of the multitudes of stuff the army throws at you, we manage to survive and thrive even in this constant state of flux. Each and everyone of them are unique and different, in their own way.

- My commanders who run much too fast, talk cock much too loudly and are much too good for us. I feel confident that my commanders will go the extra mile for us and more, together. Surprising, given that they are not much older then us at all. Too bad we did not give of the same effort or we might have been better then what we thought possible.

- 3rd Sergeant Prem Neshvin, section 4's section commander. Unfailingly cool and suave, he never raises his voice over what it needs to be, cuts the right corners (and at the right time). He says it as it is and doesn't try to hold back reality from us. Someone who cuts his own path and almost demands you follow it, or look like the fool for it.

3 more days left for Hawk Company, Batch 4, 2009. After which much administrative changes and schemes, Hawk Coy will not be Hawk Coy of the old anymore. So we are the last of the Hawks, the few and the brave.