reflections from 3 months of island living

From 3 months to 3 days. I am strangely bittersweet about a part of my life I enjoyed (perversely) but don't wish to go through again.

Some regrets:

- Not passing IPPT (failing the chin-up station by 1 mark, epic fail) More should and could have been done sooner but I was lazy. Lazy is generally a bad thing in NS, especially when you are the lowest life form there.

- Not keeping my temper as well as I could. I am a hot tempered person with the ability to control it pretty well. Most of the time. When I choose to. Sometimes, I choose not to for the wrong reasons.

- Not doing my best when I knew I could. I know I can go the extra mile but don't and now unfortunately will never be able to forever more.

- Not passing IPPT. It is a sore spot really, seeing how my other stations are of a silver to gold standard and my all my efforts towards the goal remaining unfulfilled.

Things I am thankful for:

- My section mates, who are never too critical nor serious about anything much (except girls which is a evergreen point of topic). They pick you up when you fall and laugh at each others mistakes. Never the earliest, nor the fastest, neither the best in (most) of the multitudes of stuff the army throws at you, we manage to survive and thrive even in this constant state of flux. Each and everyone of them are unique and different, in their own way.

- My commanders who run much too fast, talk cock much too loudly and are much too good for us. I feel confident that my commanders will go the extra mile for us and more, together. Surprising, given that they are not much older then us at all. Too bad we did not give of the same effort or we might have been better then what we thought possible.

- 3rd Sergeant Prem Neshvin, section 4's section commander. Unfailingly cool and suave, he never raises his voice over what it needs to be, cuts the right corners (and at the right time). He says it as it is and doesn't try to hold back reality from us. Someone who cuts his own path and almost demands you follow it, or look like the fool for it.

3 more days left for Hawk Company, Batch 4, 2009. After which much administrative changes and schemes, Hawk Coy will not be Hawk Coy of the old anymore. So we are the last of the Hawks, the few and the brave.

Grenade!

“I, NIRC, RANK & NAME, Right Master Hand, No Sweaty Palms request to enter the bay sir!” I announce my presence to my Platoon Commander. He leans to the side of the bay, cap off in surrender to the hot and humid air that affects one and all here in Tekong.

“Samuel eh? Step forward into the bay and prepare your grenade” he orders. I trot up the bay area, a elevated reinforced concrete semicircle designed to protect one from the blast of a awry grenade. Or at least that’s what they told us.

I glance at my PC, 2LT Zhi Rong. Before me was 48 recruits from Hawk Coy, Platoon 3. 48 prime opportunities for a surely gruesome death. His trademark smile was missing, replaced with an impatient frown. A 20 year old man, the same age as me, separated only by educational qualifications and rank. Just as scared as me.

Standing at the prescribed legs at shoulder width apart, I stretch my arms beyond the reassuringly thick concrete barrier and follow the regimented steps.

“Safety Ring Twist!”

“Safety Ring Pull!”

I tug at the ring. Nothing. I tug again. Not a budge. Only after my 4th pull then it gives way obediently.

“Safety Pin Out!”

I turn to pass the expanded Safety Ring to my PC to find him wearing his usual grin.

“Why Samuel? Too scared until no strength to pull the ring out?”

Smiling back, I politely reply in the negative; his grin and friendly teasing reassuring me tremendously.

“Grenade prepared and ready to be thrown Sir!”

A pat on my back was the signal. My right arm arched backwards while my left arm hung onto my rifle as I swung as hard as I could. All while shouting “GRENADE.”

A muffled scraping of boots informed me that Zhi Rong already took cover in the bay. Time for me to do the same and to count down.

1-thousand

2-thousand

3-thousand

4- I never quite managed to say the thousand as the air around me seemed to explode from the force of the grenade. Even though I wore earplugs, I could hear ringing in my left ear. My joints ached from the blast, was it really so terrible? I shudder to think of the destructive force of artillery, many times that of a hand grenade.

Counting two seconds more for the fragments to clear, I peek out to survey the damage. Zhi Rong was already standing, cap on head looking at no mans land.

“Not bad Samuel, you threw the grenade. Call up the next guy quickly, its bloody hot in here.

Mumbling my acknowledgements, I stumbled out of the bay area aching but with a sense of accomplishment. I threw a hand grenade today, how many people get to do that?

---

Running High

My lungs scream for oxygen

even as I gulp in air.

My legs tremble

with every step.

I feel like I’m dying

but I’ve never been this alive before.

All this while I’m running 2.4.

 

---

10.38 best timing yet, attempting to break the 10min barrier at the next IPPT mark…

National Service

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Winston Churchill

the inevitable, but tragic, conclusion

after many hours pouring over graphs and charts;

frantic bashing of the calculator crunching figures;

to endless searching of online forums and auctions;

The conclusion:

$500 +

$300 +

$70 +

$200 +

= $1070

= Cost of running a lower market Toyota Corolla per month.

---

pretty girl pretty swell

I met a pretty girl today while catching up with my friends from secondary school.

We've been around for quite a while, sticking together from primary to secondary school, past the tertiary gap and now bonded together by National Service.

One served, one serving and one yet to serve.

We took turns on updating ourselves on whos who and whats what. Mostly though, they gave me the load down of National Service, pearls of wisdom passed down generations through word of mouth.

Not realising we had to write down our orders on the form provided, I approached the cashier, a pretty young thing in her 20's, with the menu in tow.

Excuse me, could I have drink X?

Oh sir, you'll have to fill in the order form first

Flustered, my eyes darted around for the elusive form in question. Noticing my confusion, she took charge of the situation.

Not to worry sir, just tell me the order numbers for the items you want and I'll just type it in.

Ah yes, thank you. I'm really sorry for the confusion, it's my first time here and I'm not used to the system.

I was distracted from ordering the drinks as I was looking at her. Not at her bits mind, but at the radiant smile emitting from her face as she took down my order.

Smiles are addictive, so I ended up breaking into a smile myself as I thanked her before returning to my seat. The smile carried on throughout the evening, lighting up my mood even as I bid farewell to my friends and we made our way home.

---

I realise that beauty to me is all about the inside. Sure, she was pretty on the outside, but what made her stand out was the warmth as she served me and her addictive smile. Without this qualities, she would be as lifeless as any person on the street. Qualities to think about as I wander in search of a companion.

two - zero

The root beer bubbles happily in its glass case, awaiting the next sip.

The fluorescent tube glows brightly, sending rays of light over the room.

My laptop hums away as it quietly processes a million and one programmes.

I'm on the phone with my friend, talking about everything and nothing.

I take a sip.

The BlackBerry shows 12pm.

16th August 2009.

Happy Birthday.

people; love

I fall in love with many people every single day.

On the train, in school, over the air, everywhere!

I love staring into their eyes and losing myself into the depths within.

Or at their legs; so slim, smooth and silky.

But what I like most about them is what’s deep inside.

Their humanity, their humility, their poise, composure, self confidence

and everything in between.

I get a nice fuzzy feeling when I encounter these people.

They make my day, my week, my year!

At least, until the next person comes along, restarting the process.

 

---

awkward…

I enter my new class with trepidation.

Already they’re staring at me, sizing me up.

I set down my books perhaps too harshly. The wooden desk moans in protest

A girl starts giggles nervously before stopping abruptly.

My throat is dry, my shoulders stiff.

A manage a grin.

The staring continues.

I give a sigh and give up trying, before looking at my class timetable.

4 more weeks of this hell. I can do this!

I wonder… if my students feel the same as well?

--- 

a new day beckons; it’s going to be alright

the alarm’s ringing, breaking the rush of dreams

sunlight filters through your window, ending their long journey from the sun.

the birds are chirping; people are out practicing tai chi

it feels like you’ve ran a hundred miles while you struggle out of bed,

yet once you’re on your feet you feel you can run a thousand more.

a new day beckons, with bright new possibilities outshines the old

and where many adventures abound.

“Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero”

Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow

Dedicated to G & Yan, who made today a reality for me and many others.

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